GOOOOOD AFTERNOON EVERYBODYYYY (mad dog voice) and
welcome to the first weekly breakdown of the HFVS / Alphonce Besjan Memorial
Fantasy Football League. I, Richie Rich, will be putting one of these out every
week, JUST LIKE STONEY, BURGER, and I PUT OUT A TOP NOTCH PODCAST EVERY WEEK
(click here to listen) so lets dive head first into week 1 and open with Drunk Ging vs Chief in
the battle of MA supremacy.
Threads #1 Ginger 136.4 – Chiefs Disciples 69.64
(nice)
This matchup was a big deal for 3 reasons. 1) it’s
the only one where the projected underdog won this week. 2) the Ging squad
EXPLODED for a league high 136 on the back of kareem hunt and his 40 point
night amongst other nice pops for the bearded one. And 3) because anytime
Chiefy loses, we all win. Next up…..
Cream Team 82.84 – the poopsocks 78.40
In this mixed gender death match between the best
boobs in the thread and the Garbage ape, we had a knockdown, drag out contest
that had the smallest margin of victory, but in the end its all about the Ws,
and the Cream Team, led by Xtine vanquished the poopsocks, captained by
everyone’s least favorite human, Walt, to start the season on a high note. Props
to Walt tho for starting a New York Jet this past week. That’s ballsy. Dumb,
but ballsy. Moving right along….
Jerry Jones Town 82.82 – Drip Drop Drebos 75.34
FFFRRRUUUUUTTTTZZZZZ with the week one win!!!! Hit
the fuckin tables like Irma hit Barbuda ya wacky sonofabitch you earned it!!!! This
was the second closest matchup of the week with two OGs of scumbag thread life
going toe to toe, to see who would be crowned the king of the old men. On this
day, the anal hating, boob hair lovin, mentos slingin son of a gun rides off
into the sunset with a big week one win. Now onto the only matchup that had
stipulations tied to it….
Goodell is Great 75.92 – Stoney’s DONG 48.98
This matchup came with an Avi bet (loser has to
change his avi to whatever the winner chooses) and a little bit of smack talk
to start things off. At the end of the day tho, Goodell always wins, and this
week was no different. Even some questionable gambles by myself (sitting Diggs
for B marsh bc Odell was out. Stupid me) were not enough to even make it close,
as Stoney received a 27 point mushroom stamp to start the season. But enough
rubbing my buddy’s nose in it for this week. Let’s get to the next matchup.
Manziel’s Sponsor 80.96 – Chocolate Thunder 48.32
The other lady of the league took a huge hit this
week as Kita took a whoopin from the Sober Sally known as Mateo in a matchup
that was marred with bad decisions. Leaving ODB in even tho he was ruled out
before kickoff? Not ideal if you want to avoid 32 point losses around these
parts. After a solid draft by Ms. Cookie and a solid appearance on the HFVS
draft night special (check out our draft special episode), I expected more tbh. But hey, these things happen
and we shall see if she can right the ship this week. Mateo, crack open a nice
cold ginger ale son, because you earned it (and also bc you don’t drink beer). Onto
the final contest of the week….
Alfonce Capone 76.24 – BurgerBumps 65.64
The final matchup of week one was between left &
right. The liberal Dallas socialite calculator maven vs the conservative king
of the Florida chapter of the Young Republicans. Burger had a lot riding on the
two Monday night contests, but at the end of the day it wasn’t enough to
overcome the lead that JOEYYYY already established. Hopefully, we don’t have
any hurricanes next week so the Bumps squad can get back on track. The good
news tho, is that our man Burger and his fam have survived the storm and are
ready for what lies ahead this fantasy season.
This upcoming week we have Burger & Drebos in a
grudge match for the ages highlighting the schedule, as well as the CHCC civil
war which I’m sure should be filled with cheeky hijinks. Until next week my
thread compadres, this is Richie Rich signing off. Have a great week you sorry
sacks of shit and may all your starting backs get hurt like mine did (had to
vent).
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