Growing up one of the things that most defined my childhood was Christmas. Being part of a Jesus loving family meant Christmas was a big deal. Every year my mom acquired more and more Christmas junk that got strewn about the house in December to make it "festive" for Christmas. The day after Thanksgiving was always the worst day of the year because me and my brothers had to haul like 3 metric tons of Christmas gear out of the attic and bring it down to the main level to be disbursed around the house. One year when I was about 8 or 9 we had a cat that was a mischievous little fucker. He decided that leaping into the fully decorated Christmas tree was the best way to celebrate the Yule tide season. That cat kept knocking the entire tree down over and over again. My dad did not approve of that bullshit and one day, about a week before Christmas, he drowned that cat in the toilet right in front of me and my brothers after the cat had knocked the Christmas tree down for like the third time. Now if you've never had a family pet ruthlessly and violently murdered in front of you as a small child, then good for you, you're the big winner here. Needless to say that was a pretty traumatic day and it served to taint Christmas for me going forward. A couple years later we had a different cat, believe me, I have no idea how that happened, and I woke up one day a few days before Christmas and the cat had knocked over an entire ceramic nativity scene off of my mom's piano. The whole set was in pieces and I thought for sure that day was gonna turn into another brutal pet slaughter so I scooped up all the shattered pieces and took them to my room and spent like 5 hours sorting, reassembling and gluing Jesus, Mary, Joseph and all those broken goddamn wise men and shepherds and shit all back together before the damage was discovered and death and destruction reigned supreme over Christmas once again. It took my mom like two years before she realized that anything had happened to that nativity scene and by then that cat had gotten hit by a car so HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT DAD!! So maybe think twice before you talk shit to people who aren't festive during the holiday season all you merry making assholes. Because sometime the night IS dark and full of terrors. Well anyways, Merry Christmas Follow me on Twitter at @chaosdrebos
