Whats up you sorry sacks of shit! A little late this week
because real life got in the way a bit, but here’s a recap of last week’s
fantasy results. I’ll lead off with my dumpster fire of a week
Chocolate Thunder 96.62 – Goodell is Great 89.92
This just sucked for me. A team full of underachieving
assholes. You should have heard my locker room talk to them. Actually, you shouldn’t
since in 2017 if you raise your voice it’s considered assault. Big performances
by the tampa D, big ben, and that junkie scumbag Martavis Bryant were the big
dogs on Kita’s team this week. My team just got on its knees and opened wide. Turrible.
Moving on
Stoney’s DONG 95.28 – The Poopsocks 61.96
The last two digits of Walts score are the opposite of nice.
That’s also a decent way to describe his performance this week. Stoney had monster numbers from Brady and
Crabtree which let him cruise to victory in this one. Walt was the proud
recipient of a nice avi for twitter due to his stellar work. If you’d like to
see the avi his handle is @dangerdunne. While you’re there, tell him to go fuck
himself as well. The world will thank you for it.
Cream Team 97.42 – Jerry Jones Town 69.22 (nice)
Xtine basically whipped out her dynamic D cups and said “whataya
got frutzy boy” and that was the end of that. His squad ran away from those
warlocks like they were Michael Myers in his prime. Both teams here were fairly
balanced in their scoring. X’s team was balanced high. Frotz’s team was
balanced low. That’s how these things go generally.
Drip Drop Drebos 88.40 – BurgerBumps 85.44
This one was tighter than a seal’s asshole. In the end, the
big swingin dick of Devonta Freeman and Zack Ertz having a rare decent day are
what let Drebos steal this one from the freckled soulless hands of this sites
founder, Mr. Bumps, who is almost finished getting his life and fish tank back
together after Irma.
Alphonce Capone 104.92 – Thread’s #1 Ginger 73.36
Ging came back to earth after putting up a monster week one
to fall to Dallas Joe in a blowout. The loss of Jordy Nelson right before the
late Sunday game was a big kick in the dick for the self-proclaimed #1 Ginger
in the thread. Ty Montgomery and Travis Kelce were the big studs for Joey’s
squad, that’s now sitting at the top of the standings. Now for the final
matchup: the civil war
Chief’s Disciples 93.88 – Manziel’s Sponsor 72.26
The CHCC civil war ended with king tweet stealer Chief
whipping it out and bukkake-ing Mateo like a Japanese porn star with a 20 point
mushroom stamp. CJ Anderson exploded for 27 this week to lead the disciples of
the weirdest jew on twitter while mateo had an off week. If I’m mateo I’d grab
a bee…diet coke and figure this mess out. You cant let your protégé just curb
stomp you like that. He took you behind the woodshed and gave you an Alabama ass
whoopin for the ages. That’s it for this week kids. Good luck to everyone in
week 3!
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